Saying Goodbye

Today I go back to the US after three weeks in South Africa.  It is an amazingly beautiful place.  The weather has been fantastic as it is summer here in the Southern Hemisphere.  It is actually hard to believe it is really December.

Saying goodbye is never easy.  I am leaving a wonderful family who is doing a good work here.  Building relationships and then leaving is not fun, but it is better to have built the relationships and say goodbye than to have never known such remarkable people.  I am blessed even in saying goodbye.  Love continues and is not confined to our physical boundaries.  We will meet again.

The silver lining is that I will be saying hello to my fabulous friends back home.  

People are People

I write this in South Africa as I am watching the waves from the Atlantic Ocean crash onto the shore.  A few years ago, I set a goal to travel somewhere abroad each year and called them "perspective trips."  Since 2005, I have met this goal except for one year (2009) where I couldn't leave because of work.  The trips have been to Africa, Europe, the Middle East, and Asia.  I have observed much cultural diversity, but one of the things that has been consistent throughout my journeys is that people are still people.  

We have emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.  We all feel joy, excitement, sadness, loneliness, and pain.  We are prone to selfishness and other sinful behaviors.  People are people. 

What I have seen in each culture is that we still need to fight for Godliness in our surroundings.  Even though initially the behaviors may look a little different because of the cultural strongholds, we are all fighting the battles in the spiritual realm. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12 ESV)

Sometimes we get the idea that we need to go to the other side of the world and suffer in order to truly live for Jesus.  However, the best and most effective place for each of us is to be where God has called us.  Sometimes he calls us to a place for a long time and sometimes it is for just a short visit, but if we are listening and obedient to His voice, we can journey in joy.

Storm Clouds

I wrote this one week ago while I was on a very long flight.  At the time I wrote this, Israel was being barraged with rockets.

Have you been taking note of the events in Israel lately?  It seems like the news reports are a coming directly out of the Prophets.  Events are intensifying.   I notice that many people want to ignore what is happening in Israel, but the events there are not insignificant.  It is easier and more comfortable to sleep or be entertained than to be watching and praying, but we need to be on alert.

Things seem so dark and threatening, but even with storms on the horizon I know who walks with me.  I wrote this poem when during my freshman year in college after I had a vision.  I can still see the vision, and the best way for me to describe it is by sharing this poem with you.  

Storm clouds shake
As raindrops mingle with tears
Then it stops.
There is darkness all around
Yet I have to squint as I look up
And you reach down, smile, and hold my hand.         Copyright 1996

This picture of the Lord smiling and holding my hand in the middle of darkness and difficulty has brought me much comfort.  I hope it will do the same for you.

If you are reading this post and do not know Jesus as Lord of your life, today is the day to do that.  Your life will be changed.  Do not delay.  Believe and receive the good news that Jesus (Yeshua) died for you so that you might have eternal life.  

Strength Reality Check

I want to be strong.  We work very hard to be strong, to not show our weaknesses, and when our weaknesses are exposed our egos are bruised.  Just watch children on a playground saying, "you can't hurt me" while they bite their lips to keep from crying.

This week I had a strength reality check (or maybe I should say a weakness reality check).   I was tested by doing a series of functional movements to see which exercise class I would be able to take.  The results were less than stellar.  My strength and flexibility were not good enough to join a class, but will require one-on-one sessions.  This was a bit of an ego-burster--just when I thought I was doing pretty well. 

The truth hurts, but it helps us grasp reality. 

This was another way for the Lord to speak to me about my weakness (physically, emotionally, and spiritually).  He has been speaking to me about weakness for several months, and it continues to be the message of the day (I guess I haven't fully grasped it yet).  Even the sermons at my congregation have been on this topic for the past several weeks.   I need to acknowledge my weaknesses and rely on His strength.

We are not self-sufficient.  We cannot do everything on our own.  We need help.  Recognizing our dependency on the Lord is critical.   "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall."  (1 Corinthians 10:12 ESV)


"For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked."   (Revelation 3:17 ESV)

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."  (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV)

Taped Up

I had a minor setback earlier this week.  Actually, it happened the previous week.  I was having a hard time sitting for more than 20 minutes at a time because of pain in right side.  I thought it might go away and was inclined to ignore it and tough it out, but I thought maybe this wasn't the best idea.  Last Monday, I was able to get an appointment with my PT and she found that my right sacroiliac joint was stuck, which was causing me the pain.  She got me reset, and then taped my back for a few days.  Wow, I had no idea that a couple pieces of tape across my low back could actually make such a difference in helping me feel more stable, and it was a great reminder for me to sit straight.  The tape is now removed, and I am trying to continue having better posture, so hopefully I don't end up in that place again.  I have to focus in order to counteract the learned behavior of slouching.

I am reminded of how we can get stuck in our spiritual lives and sometimes need a little help from a friend to get us moving again.  We also need some "tape" in our lives to remind us to stay walking on the straight and narrow path.  Maybe this is reading or reciting Scripture or even putting it on your wall.  Maybe this is listening to worship music or meeting with a prayer group.  We all need let ourselves be reminded, so we will continue walking in God's truth.  Life will be better in the long run even though the discipline is not easy.      

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."  (Deuteronomy 6:5-9 ESV) 

Waiting on Promises

Over the past two weeks, I had two different people (who don't know each other) in two different circumstances tell me that they felt like they had a word from the Lord for me--they said the same thing.  This certainly made me sit up and take notice.  One person saying something is reason to pause and listen, but having it confirmed by someone else in a totally unrelated situation is reason to really pay attention.  

One of the first things I thought was, "What am I supposed to do about that?"  For what reason were these individuals given this insight to give to me?  Should I do something to help it along?  

A friend of mine reminded me of the passage in Genesis where Sarai offers Hagar to Abram, so that Abram will have an heir.  (An interesting side note is that this was also the Torah portion for the week, and I ended up leading a Bible study on it this weekend.)  Anyway, regarding the Sarai, Abram, and Hagar situation, I have commonly thought, "How could they be so silly?"  If God promised an heir, then He was going to do it.  However, looking at the timeline of the first promise of an heir to Abram until Isaac was born as at least 14 years.  That puts things in a slightly different light.  God's timeline is so different from ours. 

I don't know why God made Abraham wait so long for a promise that Abram probably perceived as happening immediately.   Perhaps Sarai and Abram thought that they needed to help it happen.  I can imagine them discussing this promise from God and saying, "Maybe God told us about having an heir, so we would try another approach to make it happen."  We don't know how long they waited before coming up with the Hagar plan, but it may have been a few years.

So, I write this to say that waiting for God to do what He has promised can be difficult--especially when we are so accustomed to getting things very quickly.  I need to remind myself to not try to get ahead of God with my ideas.  Perhaps God gives us a preview, so when it comes to pass, we will know it is was not just a fluke, but a carefully planned event from above. 


"And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."  (Hebrews 6:11-12 ESV)

The Truth

I just returned from a week trip on the East Coast to attend a conference. I must confess that I did my exercises the first day I was there, and then it was all down hill. I blamed it on the 3 hour time difference. It is true that my routine was thrown off by the time change and conference schedule, but it is also true that I could have just done them. During the last few days, I am feeling muscle tension and pain that I know is related to my lack of exercise.

I thought about not writing about this, and writing again only when I can say that I am back on track. But that wouldn't be real and admitting weakness. I don't want to slide into that rut again. Tomorrow is a new day.

Learning to Walk Again

These last two months have been a new kind of challenge for me.  I am relearning to walk.  That might sound silly from someone how has been moving on two feet for more than 30 years, but it is true.  I have not been able to walk biomechanically correct for most of my life.  I remember when my half-body cast was removed at age 7 after my legs had been immobile for 4 weeks.  The medical providers told me to go ahead and walk--easy for them to say.  I took two steps and collapsed due to insufficient muscle strength.  It was so scary.  Based on my short life experience, I didn't think I would be able to walk again.  I was terrified to try another step.  After about a week (and a memorable pep talk from my aunt), I figured out how to walk on two legs again without the help of crutches, but I developed some bad habits in order to compensate for muscle weakness and limited range of motion.

So 28 years later, after two months of physical therapy, I am able to walk more normally.  This is a huge deal for me.  I honestly had very little hope that my gait would change.  There were several reasons why I haven't been able to walk correctly:  one was that I didn't have the necessary range of motion in my hip, the second was that I didn't have enough muscle strength throughout the motion, and the third was learned behavior.  All of these hurdles are requiring perseverance (and pain) to work through. 

I am so thankful for an amazing physical therapist who has guided me through this process--as I do my exercises, I pray for the Lord to bless her.  I am very grateful to be improving in ways I didn't think were possible for me.

This whole process has reminded me that there is hope even when we do not see.  "Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience"  (Romans 8:24b-25).    "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful."  (Hebrews 10:23)

Words Cannot Express

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to spend a couple days with three wonderful friends at the Oregon coast.  The weather and scenery were beautiful, and the company was fantastic.  There was a moment where the four of us sat on a park bench overlooking the Pacific Ocean as we talked about things the Lord was doing in our lives.  We shed a couple tears and sat in silence for a bit admiring God's creation and contemplating the vastness of His grace and love.  In that moment, I felt engulfed by the goodness of God, which is too marvelous for words.  And here I am, trying to write about something that words cannot adequately express.

Diving into Grace

Over the past couple weeks, I have been thinking about God's grace.  It started with a song called "Sometimes" by the David Crowder Band which is about allowing God to bring healing; it has a line in it that says, "this is the ocean and it's only grace."    At a recent womens retreat, I played this song after I had shared about being willing to look at areas in our lives that are holding us back (see previous post).  I was talking to someone privately afterward about what I had shared, and I told her that I felt like I was standing at the end of a diving board psyching myself up to jump in--meaning that I knew I needed to go head first into the healing process, but I was a little apprehensive about it.

About a half hour later, a different woman came up to me and said that while I had been speaking in front of the group about an hour earlier, she had drawn a picture in her journal and she felt that it was from the Lord.  As soon as she held up the picture, I started crying.  I couldn't believe it.  The image was in the shape of a heart and inside the heart was a woman jumping off a diving board into a body of water with the sun shining in the background.   I asked her what she thought it meant, and she said the water was an ocean of grace, the sun was the Son (Jesus) and the heart was God's love.  She didn't mention the diving board.  Then I told her about how I had just told another woman about feeling like I was standing at the edge of a diving board.  Now the whole picture made sense.

Yes, I was standing on the edge of a diving board, but I didn't need to be afraid because I was diving into grace with the light of the Son and God's love surrounding me.  It doesn't get any better than that.

"...we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says,
    'In a favorable time I listened to you,
        and in a day of salvation I have helped you.'
    Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation."
(2 Corinthians 6:1-2 ESV)

Digging Deep

When I was 6 years old, I was diagnosed with a disease in my left hip called Legg Calve Perthes, which caused me to undergo fairly intensive treatment for two years. The good news was that by the time I was a teenager, the head of my femur had grown back pretty well, in the words of my physician, "about as good as could be expected."  However, I still had pain, and still do suffer with pain nearly 30 years later.

Chronic pain is no fun, even if it is not excruciating pain.  Constant low-level pain and muscle weakness can affect a person's daily life in ways that may not be very obvious.  Sometimes the physical pain is not as difficult as acknowledging that there is a deficiency.  I still tear up talking about the day that I was diagnosed and told that I needed to be admitted to the hospital.  That was hard.

Nine years ago, I saw a physician about the physical pain because I wanted to be assured that what I was feeling was not osteoarthritis.  At the time, I was told that the bone and cartilage looked like they were in good shape, but I could benefit from physical therapy to improve the tightness and muscle weakness, which was causing my pain.  I don't know why I didn't go to physical therapy at the time.  Looking back, I believe the underlying reason was that I didn't go was that I didn't want to deal with the emotional aspect of the pain. 

About a month ago, I decided I was finally going to go to physical therapy.  At my first appointment, I was an emotional wreck.  The pain was not as bad as my tears indicated, and I knew there were emotions that needed healing as much or more than my leg.  So far, the physical progress is going well.  I am being diligent about my exercises and my range of motion is improving and my pain is less on some days, but even when I am experience pain now, I can feel things are changing.

One of the things I read regarding Legg Calve Perthes disease is that one of the common effects is muscle atrophy in the hip joint.  Well, considering the muscle weakness that is present, I am quite sure this happened to me.

For all of these years, I have lived with this weakness, and "managed" it by compensating with my right leg.  I think this is common for us in other areas of our lives.  We compensate for our weaknesses or wounds rather than getting to the root of the issue. Compensating usually creates more dysfunction.

Healing can be easy and instantaneous, but it can also be hard work.  Perhaps a more complete healing comes when we are required to be honest about our vulnerabilities and willing to sacrifice.

Why Pray?

A little over a week ago, I had thought-provoking conversations with two groups of friends about prayer.  The first discussion was prompted by a sermon referencing the Lord's Prayer as a model for prayer. After reflecting more on these ideas, I felt like I had an "aha moment," so I thought I would write it here. 

During the first conversation my friend "G" asked a couple questions along these lines, "Why do we need to pray if God is already going to do what He is going to do?"   If God is omnipotent and omnipresent, it is unlikely that He needs our help to accomplish His will, so there must be other reasons for prayer.

I brought up the account in the book of Genesis where Abraham and God discuss the fate of Sodom.  It seems that Abraham was able to negotiate with God.  In the end, the city was destroyed because there were fewer than 10 righteous people there, but God spares Lot and his two daughters.  Although the city wasn't spared, God agreed with Abraham's desire that the righteous be spared destruction.  There are other cases where prayer changes the outcome.  We see Moses imploring that the Lord relent from His anger toward the Israelites, and God relents (Exodus 32:11-14).  Then there is Hezekiah who turns his face toward the wall and asks for his life to be extended, and God honors his request (2 Kings 20:1-11).  

Then there is the case of Jesus praying to the Father in the Garden asking for the cup to be taken from Him (Luke 22:39-46), but it was the Father's will for Jesus to die on the cross to take the penalty of sin for those who will believe on His name.  Jesus asks His disciples to watch and pray with Him, but they fall asleep.  What did He want them to be praying and why?

The Scriptures tell us to pray for the peace of Jerusalem.  Why do that if we know from the rest of the Bible that there will be trouble there?  I think it is to be praying in line with God's will, and that is the overall conclusion I realized from the discussions. 

We pray, not to tell God what we think He should do, but to listen to His voice and to be receptive to what He is saying to us.   We pray to communicate in a real way with the Creator of the universe.  How awesome is that!  If we want to be in God's will, then praying God's will from the Scripture is a good way to start.  Our hearts will continue to be molded into His image.

"Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven." 

Out of the Pressure Cooker

My blogging life has been dormant for the past two years.  I was either busy or lazy.  After two years of a very intense work load, I was fortunate enough to have a good amount of time to enjoy the summer.  I really needed it.  I didn't realize how stressed I had been until the pressure had been released.  I feel like I can breathe again.  The best part is that before my vacation, I was able to hand off much of my work-load to a new hire.  Now, creativity is flowing, and I am excited to see what is ahead.  My list of ideas and projects is growing.