Diving into Grace

Over the past couple weeks, I have been thinking about God's grace.  It started with a song called "Sometimes" by the David Crowder Band which is about allowing God to bring healing; it has a line in it that says, "this is the ocean and it's only grace."    At a recent womens retreat, I played this song after I had shared about being willing to look at areas in our lives that are holding us back (see previous post).  I was talking to someone privately afterward about what I had shared, and I told her that I felt like I was standing at the end of a diving board psyching myself up to jump in--meaning that I knew I needed to go head first into the healing process, but I was a little apprehensive about it.

About a half hour later, a different woman came up to me and said that while I had been speaking in front of the group about an hour earlier, she had drawn a picture in her journal and she felt that it was from the Lord.  As soon as she held up the picture, I started crying.  I couldn't believe it.  The image was in the shape of a heart and inside the heart was a woman jumping off a diving board into a body of water with the sun shining in the background.   I asked her what she thought it meant, and she said the water was an ocean of grace, the sun was the Son (Jesus) and the heart was God's love.  She didn't mention the diving board.  Then I told her about how I had just told another woman about feeling like I was standing at the edge of a diving board.  Now the whole picture made sense.

Yes, I was standing on the edge of a diving board, but I didn't need to be afraid because I was diving into grace with the light of the Son and God's love surrounding me.  It doesn't get any better than that.

"...we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says,
    'In a favorable time I listened to you,
        and in a day of salvation I have helped you.'
    Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation."
(2 Corinthians 6:1-2 ESV)

Digging Deep

When I was 6 years old, I was diagnosed with a disease in my left hip called Legg Calve Perthes, which caused me to undergo fairly intensive treatment for two years. The good news was that by the time I was a teenager, the head of my femur had grown back pretty well, in the words of my physician, "about as good as could be expected."  However, I still had pain, and still do suffer with pain nearly 30 years later.

Chronic pain is no fun, even if it is not excruciating pain.  Constant low-level pain and muscle weakness can affect a person's daily life in ways that may not be very obvious.  Sometimes the physical pain is not as difficult as acknowledging that there is a deficiency.  I still tear up talking about the day that I was diagnosed and told that I needed to be admitted to the hospital.  That was hard.

Nine years ago, I saw a physician about the physical pain because I wanted to be assured that what I was feeling was not osteoarthritis.  At the time, I was told that the bone and cartilage looked like they were in good shape, but I could benefit from physical therapy to improve the tightness and muscle weakness, which was causing my pain.  I don't know why I didn't go to physical therapy at the time.  Looking back, I believe the underlying reason was that I didn't go was that I didn't want to deal with the emotional aspect of the pain. 

About a month ago, I decided I was finally going to go to physical therapy.  At my first appointment, I was an emotional wreck.  The pain was not as bad as my tears indicated, and I knew there were emotions that needed healing as much or more than my leg.  So far, the physical progress is going well.  I am being diligent about my exercises and my range of motion is improving and my pain is less on some days, but even when I am experience pain now, I can feel things are changing.

One of the things I read regarding Legg Calve Perthes disease is that one of the common effects is muscle atrophy in the hip joint.  Well, considering the muscle weakness that is present, I am quite sure this happened to me.

For all of these years, I have lived with this weakness, and "managed" it by compensating with my right leg.  I think this is common for us in other areas of our lives.  We compensate for our weaknesses or wounds rather than getting to the root of the issue. Compensating usually creates more dysfunction.

Healing can be easy and instantaneous, but it can also be hard work.  Perhaps a more complete healing comes when we are required to be honest about our vulnerabilities and willing to sacrifice.

Why Pray?

A little over a week ago, I had thought-provoking conversations with two groups of friends about prayer.  The first discussion was prompted by a sermon referencing the Lord's Prayer as a model for prayer. After reflecting more on these ideas, I felt like I had an "aha moment," so I thought I would write it here. 

During the first conversation my friend "G" asked a couple questions along these lines, "Why do we need to pray if God is already going to do what He is going to do?"   If God is omnipotent and omnipresent, it is unlikely that He needs our help to accomplish His will, so there must be other reasons for prayer.

I brought up the account in the book of Genesis where Abraham and God discuss the fate of Sodom.  It seems that Abraham was able to negotiate with God.  In the end, the city was destroyed because there were fewer than 10 righteous people there, but God spares Lot and his two daughters.  Although the city wasn't spared, God agreed with Abraham's desire that the righteous be spared destruction.  There are other cases where prayer changes the outcome.  We see Moses imploring that the Lord relent from His anger toward the Israelites, and God relents (Exodus 32:11-14).  Then there is Hezekiah who turns his face toward the wall and asks for his life to be extended, and God honors his request (2 Kings 20:1-11).  

Then there is the case of Jesus praying to the Father in the Garden asking for the cup to be taken from Him (Luke 22:39-46), but it was the Father's will for Jesus to die on the cross to take the penalty of sin for those who will believe on His name.  Jesus asks His disciples to watch and pray with Him, but they fall asleep.  What did He want them to be praying and why?

The Scriptures tell us to pray for the peace of Jerusalem.  Why do that if we know from the rest of the Bible that there will be trouble there?  I think it is to be praying in line with God's will, and that is the overall conclusion I realized from the discussions. 

We pray, not to tell God what we think He should do, but to listen to His voice and to be receptive to what He is saying to us.   We pray to communicate in a real way with the Creator of the universe.  How awesome is that!  If we want to be in God's will, then praying God's will from the Scripture is a good way to start.  Our hearts will continue to be molded into His image.

"Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."